Being Tiffany’s caregiver for 17 months caused me to feel a deeper love than I ever imagined possible. Before she was sick I thought I loved her deeply. I had no idea.
This picture is Dec 14, 2014 right after church in Katy, Texas. Two weeks before Tiffany’s body succumbed to cancer. She passed away on Jan 1, 2015. My sister Alissa took the photo and captioned it appropriately “A Love Through the Ages.” Tiffany true to form turned and kissed me just as the picture was snapped. She brings a smile to my face.
As I recently contemplated this deep love and it’s source I felt a desire to express it by writing a letter to Tiffany.
Dearest Tiffany,
I thought I knew what love was when we met at sixteen and were instantly best friends.
Over these 32 years I have been amazed at how that love has grown never imagining how deep it would and could become.
I loved you more when you said “yes!” and we got married.
I loved you more when your belly was about to pop five times and you were so excited and I was so nervous.
I loved you more when you gave birth five times and over the pain smiled with joy and love at the life you brought into the world.
I loved you more when you were tired at the end of the day and I’d come home from work and you were sitting on the couch out of your mind and drained of energy and our children still running around like crazy and you apologized for not having dinner ready and I gave you a kiss and said “let’s go out to dinner!”.
I loved you more when as you were still asleep after a colonoscopy the doctor with sad eyes and a grim expression invited me into a private consultation room and showed me the images of a large tumor completely blocking your colon.
I loved you more as we cried together alone in the hospital room and I said through tears “it’s all so overwhelming” and you looked at me with compassion and tears in your eyes and a tube down your nose and nodded your head.
I loved you more when we found out the tumor was colon cancer which had already spread to your liver and you responded by writing down all the things you were grateful for.
I loved you more as we sat day after day in the infusion rooms and you smiled and chatted with and befriended the other patients encouraging them and sharing your love and faith.
I loved you more as your body became too weak to ride your bike and you looked at me with sadness but acceptance and I helped you put the bike back in the garage for the last time.
I loved you more as you were determined to walk through the door into the grand room where our son was getting married and 60 friends and family were already seated and I helped you get out of the wheelchair and held your hand and steadied you as you made your grand entrance into the room and walked to your seat of honor with a grand smile on your beaming face.
I loved you more as your body was shutting down and you asked for me to drive you around to look at the Christmas lights one last time and you looked out the car window without saying anything deep in your own thoughts.
I loved you more as I lay next to your side in our bed at midnight as the New Year rang in as the fireworks exploded in the sky around us and your breathing gently slowed and you quietly took your last mortal breath.
I loved you more as I felt your spirit freed from your body and fill our home and my heart with the most incredible love I never imagined I could feel.
Yes, I thought I knew what love was back then. 32 years later now I know.
Yours forever,
Damon
WOW.. beautifully said. Thank you for sharing your story. I was my husband’s caregiver through Kidney failure, it is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone, and I would wish on everyone, so we call can see there are no limits to love. (My husband and son were killed in an auto/pedestrian accident this last December. )
Absolutely beautiful! Thank you for sharing such a personal and loving tribute to your wife! I also watched my husband slowly die. It is the deepest and most difficult trial of my life! My heart broke many times over watching his struggle. But, like you so elegantly wrote, as it broke, it was filled to the brim with more love than I could possibly imagine!
Beautiful tribute to your beloved. You words, I hope, will inspire others to be grateful for their spouses, in spite of hard times, to cherish, and love one another always. We are not always privy to Father’s plan for us and for each of our family members. We never know if when we bid our loved ones farewell, that it may be for the last time in mortality. I, too, had the privilege of caring for my belived husband for 8 months before his mortal ascent into eternity. It is true, we do not know what love is, until we have cared for our spouse and helped prepare them for their eternal journey home. Thank you for your wonderful message. May Father bless you and your dear family.
This brought tears to my eyes. I lost my daughter to breast cancer four years ago. Your story reminded me of her husband and the love and devotion that he gave to her. He was always by her side. I have a deep love and appreciation for him for loving my precious daughter the way he did and still does. Thank you again for sharing.
Tiffany’s shining light was always an inspiration to me as long as I knew her, and your patient, loving care for her through her illness was a beautiful thing to behold. Thank you for being a living testament to that love. This was a beautiful expression that made me cry — in a good way. Happy Birthday and I hope the coming year is full of possibility and happy things for you!
Serious tears right now. You know, we all wish she could write a letter back, but I think you know that if she could, it would be in kind, of how her love also grew “through the ages” and that the constant care, compassion, service, support, and love from you, especially during her illness, made her love you more than she knew possible either. Linda said it perfectly above, I have a deep love and appreciation for you loving my precious sister the way you did and still do.
P.S. I LOVE this picture. She knew you probably wouldn’t want pose for a picture like this, so she had to be sneaky and quick. 😉
Ditto, Amy!! I’ve read it several times now and have cried every time. Thank you, Damon, for loving Tiffany the way you do!!
Damon, you never cease to amaze me. This is a beautiful tribute to the love that you so selflessly give to Tiffany and your children. I admire the man and husband you are. Tiffany is beaming with pride and love for you too.
Brought tears to my eyes Damon and made me really contemplate what is important. Glad we are friends and you had Tiffany in your life and will see her again.
Happy Birthday, Damon! What sweet and tender thoughts you shared with us. John and I have known you since you and Tiffany first met and fell in love and we were thrilled when you became our son in law. You always did everything in your power to make Tiffany’s happy, even before she got sick and after her diagnosis you hardly left her side. You were her strength and her rock and we can’t thank you enough for taking care of our little girl like you did. You always were and always will be her knight in shining armor. We love you, Damon. Susan and John
Too beautiful to express how this touched me. I am so glad you shared these tender feelings with all of us. I am so grateful that death isn’t the end.
Damon,
You don’t know me but I went to school with John and have a daughter who also had colorectal cancer . She has had surgery and that was successful but there was a spot in the lining of her stomach. They thought they had gotten all of it but it has come back or stsrted to grow after she went off kehmo for a couple of months. She has spots in her lungs that they are controlling also . I was at the funeral and was so touched to here what a wonderful person she was.
Your letter brought tears to my eyes and joy to my heart to read such a touching love letter .
Thank you for sharing with us. I’m eternally grateful for the knowledge that we will see our loved ones again and if and when we go through the same thing I will handle it as well as you and John snd Susan have. Kaye Lee
P.S. Happy Birthday. I have a daughter that has her birthday today also .
What a beautiful idea to help heal your grief. I took a grief class years ago as my dad and husband were dying. The class taught us to write a letter to our deceased loved one, saying everything on our heart. Your tribute is like a love letter to your wife. It is beautiful. I get it, since I was a caretaker for the love of my life as he battled cancer for three years. I think I will put my thoughts of him and gratitude for him on paper. For me, I put my love and dedication in stone, as our headstone has my name engraved opposite his. Sealings are an eternal commitment and bond. I miss him very much.
I feel sad that I don’t get to see his facial expressions of amazement and pride as our sweet daughter grows into a beautiful young woman. He so much didn’t want to leave her since their Daddy-Daughter bond was so strong. She turned four, two months before he died. She just recently turned 13 and she struggles to remember him. It breaks my heart, but I know he watches over us.
Beautifully said! Words are so inadequate for how I feel as I read this post and as I think about Tiffany! She taught us all so much, and so many of us are better for having known her and loved her and been loved by her! I am so grateful for the knowledge of eternal relationships/friendships!
Damon,
I remember some fun times with you and Tiffany back during temple pageant. Tiffany was my friend. She was always filled with love and faith. What a kind and generous woman she was even then. This made me cry and also warmed my heart. We are blessed to know you will be with her again. God bless you and your children.
Hi Brother Janis, this is Alex Escobar from the Katy 2nd ward. I’m not sure if you even remember me but I knew sister Janis and Emily for most of my time in that ward. I found your website upon looking online of pictures of the Gila Valley Arizona Temple and yours popped up and I thought “hey I know that guy!”. I’m planning on getting married and I’m trying to decide on a temple and I looked though your website and this post really touched me. I hope to have this kind of love and relationship with my husband. I hope all is well. Take care